New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This house was built for laser tag.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
