Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
