I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
