can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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