my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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