Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
