maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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