That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
