So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
