drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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