We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
