I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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