Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize