My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
