We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
