Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
