ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
