I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
