Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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