Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
