He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dicks are not precious.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
