I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
