Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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