So drunk its hurt
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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