In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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