Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
