Already got asked if we're dating
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
