girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
