Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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