did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
