who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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