dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
