After last night, I could never be a politician.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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