apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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