the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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