Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
