I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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