I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We just shotgunned beers for America
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
