after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
