It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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