Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
