i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
