They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
