We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
