my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
