just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize