Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
