Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
