Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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