His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
