in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
