phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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