Your tits are I can't wait for
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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