i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
