Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i barfeds in our rink
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize