I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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