I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
