Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize