She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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