she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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