Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I deserve this hangover.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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