Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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