I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Vodka?
Forever.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
