Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize