I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
