did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
