I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
